#55: Healing with Others
with
Chris Burris
Chris Burris is a Senior Lead IFS Trainer and a clinical consultant with decades of experience in mental health and group work. Chris is based in North Carolina and leads training for the IFS Institute and his Creating Healing Circles work worldwide.
Last month, Chris joined Jef Szi for an in-depth conversation that illuminates the power, purpose, and benefits of healing with others. Along the way, we get to know the variety of influences and the backstory to Chris's group work, including a need to help his clients have real spaces to work on their social challenges, and Chris's interest in finding new models of authenticity that don't require being hijacked by reactive emotions.
You can learn more about his work through his terrific how-to book, Creating Healing Circles.
With tremendous kindness and boatloads of reference points, Chris helps us understand why healing circles are an essential tool for healing from traumas and for offsetting the hyper-individualism found in most personal-growth work.
Chris teaches us that most traumas arise in relationships and are also healed through supportive, non-threatening contexts where participants can experience others as advocates and allies. He also shows us that well-run Healing Circles can allow participants to test new ways of being that are more cohesive and less isolating.
Throughout Healing with Others, Chris offers his grounded perspectives; whether it's on the Internal Family Systems model, the pros and cons of Men's work in the 1980's and 1990's, or how nature is another kind of healing force, we are well instructed by Chris and his extensive knowledge on group work and the healing process.
Perhaps the heart of Chris's teaching is the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model. In this conversation, he breaks down the model, showing how IFS is a constraint-and-release model whose core notion of an innate Self is characterized by calmness, curiosity, and compassion, and how the various "parts" play a role in protecting the Self. We also learn from Chris and kind way of thinking about our parts, and how these protective and often reactive voices within us frequently eclipse our core energy, leading us to relate to ourselves and others in harsh or critical ways.
With Chris, we take another step forward in imagining what it takes to be more cohesive as a society. In this case, the path forward is to challenge our assumptions about the do-it-alone approach. Instead, we are encouraged towards the chance to be with others, dropping in deeply, where trauma and social connections can be transformed as a community. Few are better positioned to show what this path looks like than the heart-centered and wise Chris Burris.
Thank you for being on the show, Chris!
About Chris Burris: Chris is a Clinical Consultant and Senior Lead Trainer for the Center for Self Leadership. Chris has been a psychotherapist since 1989, working with diverse populations in community agencies, intensive residential centers, institutions of higher learning, and in private practice.
He began training in the Internal Family Systems model in 1999 and is currently a Senior Lead Trainer for the Internal Family Systems Institute, where he teaches Level 1, Level II, and Level III trainings and serves as a trainer and mentor for new IFS training staff.
Resources:
Try the Exercise Discussed in the Show!
The Three-Fold Purpose Exercise:
This simple physical exercise helps you visualize the "gap" between where you are and where you want to be, shifting your focus from outward complaints to internal self-leadership.
The Setup
Take a standard sheet of paper and fold it into thirds (like a letter for an envelope). Hold it vertically so you have a top flap, a middle section, and a bottom flap.
1. The Bottom Fold: Your Current Reality
On the bottom section, write down the facts of your situation right now.
The Prompt: “What is actually happening?”
The Goal: Stick to the data. Avoid stories or blame—just the "ground" you are standing on.
2. The Top Fold: Your Vision
On the top section, write down where you want to go or how you want the situation to look.
The Prompt: “What is my preferred outcome?”
The Goal: Define the "North Star" that provides your direction.
3. The Middle Fold: The Wall
In the center section (the "gap"), write down the friction, obstacles, or challenges standing in your way. They can be things inside you and your behaviors or they can be external factors. Usually, they are both.
The Prompt: “What is the 'Wall' between my reality and my vision?”
The Goal: Acknowledge the resistance without letting it stop your progress.
4. The Back Side: Your Internal Climate
Flip the paper over. This is the most critical step. Instead of listing more "to-dos," define the state of being required to face the middle section.
The Prompt: “Who do I need to be to meet the Wall?”
The Goal: Identify the qualities you need to lead with—such as Calmness, Curiosity, or Courage. This shifts you from "protesting" the obstacle to leading yourself through it.
Pro Tip: Keep this paper on your desk or tucked in a journal. When you feel stuck "protesting" the middle section, flip it over to remind yourself of the internal climate you are committed to cultivating.
